Boo.

It's scary to think that kids walk around in the dark with costumes of death and go door to door demanding a sugary substance to masticate. Even worse, we give it to them. It's raining here. Boo hoo.

Dolphins and Winged Clocks...

Time flieth far and fast. 'Tas already been a week since the previous post and I feel like I just finished typing it (Thought I would try to abbreviate and make a new word.. or is it already one? That's what great about English... I bet you knew what I meant). Anyway...

So, in recent days, I have turned the ripe age of 25. Yada, yada - 1/4 century, mid-life crisis, silver birthday - I've heard them all. It really doesn't mean much to me. Yeah, car insurance goes down and I don't have to pay the extra $35 to rent a car. Petty bonuses.

BUT.... by rumor from word-of-mouth or other sources I've seem to have forgotten in my old age, I may now insert myself into the USCG through a mere two weeks of training. Now I, feeling better than ever (despite my sawdust intake and recent smoking habits... j/k mom), should be able to pass such physical and mental challenges with flying rainbows of color encompassing me. But the question remains... Do I guard the coasts of our beautiful nation from drug-smuggling dolphins? Or do I endure the final 12 months of my selective service availability? I believe the former clearly trumps the latter. Much thought required.

Piece.

If I had to learn English again, and I were extremely flexible - I would kick myself in the face. The language of my own people is bloody confusing. Yeah, I'm pretty good at it, but I'm thinking of the more challenged people. How are people supposed to spell? Don't worry Dave and Roth I won't mention names. But seriously, do patients have patience? Or do patience have patients? It's the former. Realistically, neither wood bee true butt bare with me sew eye can make my point. Then we get all lazy and "contract" words and call them contractions. Is it that much easier to write "isn't" rather than "is not?" I'd say it isn't. Then we have contractions that we claim are not words, yet we throw them in the dictionary anyway. I ain't complaining. But mothers should. Why? Because contractions to them are extremely painful. At least that's what I read. Wait, is it the "read" that sounds like "reed"? Or the "read" that sounds like "red"? I guess yule never no.

So we have words that sound the same and are spelled differently. And we have words that are spelled the same and have unrelated meanings. Words in different tenses are spelled the same. We shorten words. We make them up. There's so much more but if people see that I wrote too much they won't read it. Actually I just can't stand to sit here for another minute. Anyway - my point: I was watching the sports ticker on ESPNews and I saw that Mel Stottlemyre was resigning. I thought "Wow, he's sticking around? That's weird, I thought they were saying he was done." Did he resign or did he resign? Not that you or I care about the Yankees' pitching coach. But why do we have two frickin words that are spelled exactly the same and mean the exact opposite? Yeah, they sound a little different but how am I supposed to know when I am reading? Ok, I'm over it.

Sign Language should be the universal language. But then we would have to look at each other all of the time. That'd be weird. Thinking of college, someone could drop their shampoo and it could roll into the adjacent shower unbeknownst to the adjacent showerer. That conversation may not go well. Music would be like CU Women's Choir 24/7.... "My Lips Will Praise You." Whoa, let's stick with what we've got. Later people.

Oh, for the record, Mel is resigning. Hard "s". He's quitting. He's done.

Piece out.